


White Lies

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Before the Awakening - Greg Rucka, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Conflicted Ben Solo, Drunken Confessions, M/M, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29718543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Something Poe says while drunk causes problems.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 4
Collections: Allbingo, The Darkpilot Library





	White Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Drunkenness and Inebriation
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“People of Rapier Squadron,” Poe slurred, sounding more than at least a bit drunk. “We have done it! We have graduated from the Academy! We are going to, I tell you, come out and kick some ass!”  
  
Ben, who was with him, had to smile at least a little bit even as the others cheered. Very drunkenly, he thought. It reminded him of when he’d had a celebration with Tai and Poe after becoming Knighted. Surviving the trials.   
  
(He didn’t want to think too hard about what he’d seen in the cave. The vision of that helmeted figure, with the strange cross-like lightsaber)  
  
“Hear hear,” Kare Kun slurred. “Can we just agree that those lectures we had to sit through were bantha shit? Y’know, the sort of stuff that’d make you fall asleep?”  
  
Muran, one of the guys from Rapier Squadron, playfully rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t that bad, Kare.”  
  
“Teacher’s pet,” Iolo teased. It was clear he was drunk too.   
  
“And what about you, Dameron?" Kare said. “You and Ben gonna have adventures together?”  
  
“That’s the plan,” Poe said, beaming. “When he’s able to and with his uncle and mother’s blessing, I’d love to see him become a part of Rapier Squadron.”  
  
Ben’s heart ached. It seemed, in that moment, that he was processing the difference between what his mother wanted and what he wanted. What his family wanted, as opposed to following his heart.   
  
Against his will, a voice echoed in his head. Ren’s. _Hey, kid, you sure this is the life for you?_  
  
Even in the midst of happy drunken chatter, singing space shanties that Ben had never even heard of, including some very X-rated ones, Ben smiled, if sadly. The truth was, he thought, his drink untouched, that he would have loved to join Rapier Squadron. Be by Poe’s side.   
  
But could he disappoint his parents? Would his parents be disappointed, if he followed his heart?   
  
Ben didn’t know.   
  
***  
  
It was later, helping Poe get back to his dorm, that Ben felt a tug of affection at how Poe was all but swaying as he walked.   
  
“Y’know I love you, right?” Poe said.   
  
Ben froze. “You do?”  
  
“ ‘Course I do. You’ve always been there for me when I needed you. You’re funny, you’re loyal, you’re kind, you’re insanely hot...”  
  
It was just now, when Ben was twenty two and Poe was twenty five, that Poe was saying this. Things that Poe wouldn’t have been that brazen about when he was sober.   
  
“Poe,” Ben said, “I’m not that good. I’m not that wonderful.”  
  
“You are, you really are. I wanna, y’know, save the galaxy, but I can’t picture doing it without you..."  
  
Ben froze again. Then, “Poe...you’re everything to me. But I can’t just let my parents down.”  
  
“Kriff your parents,” Poe said. “Do what you want.” He sounded oddly lucid considering he was drunk. “You’re not...you’re not happy here.”  
  
“My happiness doesn’t matter,” Ben said. “I can’t disappoint my family.”  
  
Silence.   
  
“I love you,” Ben said. “But...” He bit his lip. “Maybe when I’m done.” Done. Even though he’d been Knighted two years ago. “We’ll go anywhere we want to. Just like we dreamed of when we were kids.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
It was a white lie, a promise that Ben wasn’t sure he could keep, but he could try and make Poe happy. Maybe that was one of Ben’s many problems. Trying to be perfect. Trying to make everyone happy.   
  
Even getting Poe to bed, sitting in the opposite chair to watch him so he didn’t choke on his own vomit or something, Ben thought of the two of them.   
  
Maybe they’d be happy together. Maybe they’d fly away, and they wouldn’t have to worry about expectations or what anyone else thought of them. Maybe they’d be able to keep their promises.   
  
Ben could dream about that even sleeping in the chair opposite Poe.


End file.
